Deja Vu

Well, things have taken a turn for the worse this week. I’m 36 weeks now and I’m back to throwing up once or twice a week. I’m having a lot of trouble eating and digesting food again. I haven’t showered all week because of the nausea and lack of energy. My own body odor is starting to trigger nausea! I checked my weight today and was alarmed to see I lost 6 pounds in a matter of a couple weeks. I started to panic. I know how HG can spiral out of control very quickly. It feels like I’m back to battling HG in my first trimester…I’m anxious that if things keep going the way they are, I will end up dehydrated and will have to get IV fluids again. I called my OB and she put in a referral for home health care. She said it would take a few days for them to call me so if things continue to get worse, I can get the Zofran pump and home IV treatment again. But if I am doing okay, my OB said I could just cancel the order. At this rate, I may take up my OB’s offer to induce me at 39 weeks! Please keep me and baby in your thoughts and prayers.

Fears, Aversions, & Phobias

The only thing foreseeable about my HG now is its unpredictability! One day, I’ll feel fine and my nausea will be at a manageable level. I’m able to take care of my daughter and even go out for a little bit. Then the next day, the nausea will kick into high gear and I’ll be rendered helpless. On my bad days, I end up staying in bed most of the day because the nausea’s so bad. I won’t be able to take care of Lisi and going out is definitely out of the question.

It’s impractical to make plans with people because I honestly don’t know how my nausea will be that day. So I end up staying home most of the time just to be safe. It’s a lonely place to be. And the lack of control that I have over my own body is a really scary thing to live with.

Because of this unpredictability, I had a lot of fears, aversions, and phobias earlier on in my pregnancy.

I had many food aversions. I would avoid particular foods because of the fear that I would throw up the same food item again. For some reason (maybe because I’m not a huge fan of Korean food to begin with), I had a lot of aversions toward Korean soups that I had previously thrown up.

I had a major phobia about going out because I didn’t want to throw up in public. I made sure to carry a large Ziploc bag in my purse at all times, just in case. During the summer, the heat was so oppressive and would make the nausea worse. I had a lot of anxiety about going out to places with no A/C and feared that I would pass out in public.

I also worried about driving by myself because I was afraid I would throw up while driving and cause an accident.

Another major fear was showering. The combination of the heat from the water and the motion of washing myself was enough to trigger major nausea.

I also had a major phobia of the 2nd trimester blood glucose test. To test for gestational diabetes, you need to drink 50 grams of glucose concentrated in this thick, orange syrupy drink and then get your blood drawn. I distinctly remember throwing up the orange drink with my first pregnancy so this time around I refused to drink it. The doctor allowed me to do an alternative which was to eat 23 large jellybeans. I ended up getting carsick after eating such a large amount of candy in one sitting but I was able to hold it down.

Because I didn’t pass my first glucose test, I needed to do a second glucose test. Again I refused to do the syrupy drink. So instead I had to test myself via a glucose meter at home. The doctor ordered me to prick myself four times a day and to measure my blood sugar level with the meter. I had to do this for a week. Thankfully, I passed the test and do not have gestational diabetes!

Distress at the Dentist’s

Today I went to the dentist’s office for a cleaning. This is no ordinary task for someone with HG though. I remember when I went for a cleaning when I was pregnant with Annelise and how I got really nauseous. So I was nervous that the same thing would happen today.

I gave the hygienist a heads-up regarding my nausea. She asked if I had any other medical changes besides the pregnancy since the last visit. I could have answered, “Well, I’ve thrown up too many times to count, I’ve been dehydrated and was on IV treatment for two months…” But I replied, “Nope, just the pregnancy.” Sometimes it’s just easier to save my breath and give the simple answer.

Not even halfway through the cleaning, I found myself feeling very nauseous. I think it was the combination of lying down, having a hard time breathing, the smell of the latex, and the heat emanating from the overhead lamp that made me feel queasy. I was afraid that I would either hurl or pass out if the cleaning continued.

So I stopped the hygienist and sat up. She and the dentist were very accommodating and got me a cup of cold water. Sitting up and drinking the water helped. For the remainder of the cleaning, we decided it would be best for me to sit up rather than recline on the chair. And the hygienist used the lamp on her goggles rather than the larger overhead lamp.

Thankfully, the rest of the cleaning went much more smoothly! Now I’m back home and I’m pretty exhausted from that ordeal. It’s so sad how the littlest things just suck all the energy out of me.