Forbidden Fruit

It’s funny how we desire forbidden fruit. During my first and second trimesters, it was literally fruit and food that my body craved. My stomach rejected all the food I ate – everything would come back up. So you would think that I would be utterly disgusted by even the mere thought of food. And to a certain point, I was. I had vivid and traumatic memories of specific things I vomited – so I had many food aversions. I would get frustrated at my parents if they cooked something in the kitchen because the aroma of whatever was cooking would trigger nausea.

Yet somehow, paradoxically, my body still craved sustenance. It was like my body knew that I was starving and that I needed to eat. So even though the smell of food would make me nauseous and even though I had so many food phobias, I still had many fantasies about food. I religiously watched Masterchef and Hell’s Kitchen and would dream about eating delectable meals one day. I would yelp various restaurants and scroll through pictures of food that people posted online. I became obsessed.

When I battled insomnia night after night due to the excessive nausea, guess what I did? I started making a list of restaurants that I wanted to visit when I got better. I saved the list on my phone. It’s so funny to look at it now. Half of these restaurants I have no interest in going to now because my appetite is still shot due to the nausea. There is this constant sour taste in my mouth from the nausea and my taste buds seem disappointed with even the most delicious treats.

Maybe after I deliver the baby and when the nausea is completely gone, I will start making my way around LA and check off each restaurant on my ultimate food list!

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